Friday, July 01, 2011
D’ Journey
For the past few years, my sleeps are disrupted.
Couldn’t rest my mind when lay down on the bed. Angriness and unfairness are filled inside me subconsciously.
Only realized I have phobia of missed calls this recent years.
My heart bumped very fast when I had missed calls from him. Worrying what will happen again when I reached home. To the extent that I always feel vibration of my phone subconsciously. But couldn’t hear when the phone actually rings…
No physical violent but mentally tortured.
Wonder why I should feel guilty when making ends meet. Thus, underneath hold lot of unfair feeling.
Accumulated this bad feeling till my mind wired, my health got affected. And finally this bad feeling alarmed me to be brave and responsible for my health, for my loved ones.
Luckily, I have my greatest motivation with me throughout these years – my sons!
Every family is unique in their own way. We definitely have our ways of living. Work hard and enjoy life. Just remember, you are not alone.
I know it was very tough for my elder to go through this journey with us. Mama is grateful and blessed to have a sensible son like you.
To be honest, I never feel sad at all during the process. But it really breaks my heart and feels so pain when you have to face many crossroads at the same time. That moment, I had thought of give up and go back to 402 to be by your side. In fact, you turned around to encourage me to move on. Such a big heart son I have!
At first, I do feel guilty for your unsuccessful relationship. But to think this is the real test for a couple in real life situation and glad it surface before committing.
You will stand taller and stronger after a fall. 雨过天就会晴. After the rain, comes the sunshine – press the refreshing button for our new life!
July 2010 – many reasons triggered my decision to divorce.
Most important reason is, I lost faith of someone who only thinks of his own leisure wants and cowardly not to take on his basic responsible for the family needs.
I had been humiliated and accused adultery since courting days, this is defilement to my parents. and ENOUGH!
August 2010 – holding my fear and go for it.
This was the beginning of battle. My sons are affected badly with unpredictable stormy weather at home. Sorry dear.
3 Sep 2010 - nightmare for me.
I moved out immediately that night to my sister’s place with Gynn, and maid (that he might throw anger at). Gynn and I were worried for my angry elder who don’t want to come along with us. This is still my pain now when thinking of leave him alone at home.
My fearful reaction had affected my sons, my sister and my parent, too. I told myself I must be positive and ease their worry. Be brave to walk through the path.
30 June 2011 – Final judgment for Divorce is out. I am free legally.
I thought I will feel ‘free’ after almost a year’s battle. But I couldn’t sleep, many thoughts running in my mind.
How to arrange my sons meeting up with him, without fear? especially my younger one. Maybe they have no problem at all? I hope he can take this opportunity to show his care for the sons.
I don’t want my elder to go through the home-less feeling again. I want to give my 2 sons a happy home. This is my ultimate aim, for fighting all this while.
Do I have enough money to buy a flat for the 3 of us? Can I secure a fix income to maintain our new home? So my elder don’t feel the stress of struggling between school and works. Or he must learn to take such stress, for a better entrepreneur in future? After all, life comes in a package with good and bad things.
At the back of my mind, I do ask why is he wanted to work overseas after graduation in Sep? is this his silent protest of me abandoned him during the process? He just wants to get out of here? Or I am thinking too much due to my ‘guilty consciousness’ nature?
No matter what happen, I will be with my sons. I will support what they do with whatever I can afford, physically, spiritually and virtually where ever they are.
Sons, Let us work hard together! Trust your belief and don’t be afraid of failure. We learned from failure and turned it into priceless experience. Don’t be too calculative over tangible rewards. Experience is accumulated from lot of intangible opportunities.
Thank you my dearest sons. You are my treasure and mama is very proud of having you 2. This is something I have to thank your father for. Haha… I can’t have you without him.
For the past few years, my sleeps are disrupted.
Couldn’t rest my mind when lay down on the bed. Angriness and unfairness are filled inside me subconsciously.
Only realized I have phobia of missed calls this recent years.
My heart bumped very fast when I had missed calls from him. Worrying what will happen again when I reached home. To the extent that I always feel vibration of my phone subconsciously. But couldn’t hear when the phone actually rings…
No physical violent but mentally tortured.
Wonder why I should feel guilty when making ends meet. Thus, underneath hold lot of unfair feeling.
Accumulated this bad feeling till my mind wired, my health got affected. And finally this bad feeling alarmed me to be brave and responsible for my health, for my loved ones.
Luckily, I have my greatest motivation with me throughout these years – my sons!
Every family is unique in their own way. We definitely have our ways of living. Work hard and enjoy life. Just remember, you are not alone.
I know it was very tough for my elder to go through this journey with us. Mama is grateful and blessed to have a sensible son like you.
To be honest, I never feel sad at all during the process. But it really breaks my heart and feels so pain when you have to face many crossroads at the same time. That moment, I had thought of give up and go back to 402 to be by your side. In fact, you turned around to encourage me to move on. Such a big heart son I have!
At first, I do feel guilty for your unsuccessful relationship. But to think this is the real test for a couple in real life situation and glad it surface before committing.
You will stand taller and stronger after a fall. 雨过天就会晴. After the rain, comes the sunshine – press the refreshing button for our new life!
July 2010 – many reasons triggered my decision to divorce.
Most important reason is, I lost faith of someone who only thinks of his own leisure wants and cowardly not to take on his basic responsible for the family needs.
I had been humiliated and accused adultery since courting days, this is defilement to my parents. and ENOUGH!
August 2010 – holding my fear and go for it.
This was the beginning of battle. My sons are affected badly with unpredictable stormy weather at home. Sorry dear.
3 Sep 2010 - nightmare for me.
I moved out immediately that night to my sister’s place with Gynn, and maid (that he might throw anger at). Gynn and I were worried for my angry elder who don’t want to come along with us. This is still my pain now when thinking of leave him alone at home.
My fearful reaction had affected my sons, my sister and my parent, too. I told myself I must be positive and ease their worry. Be brave to walk through the path.
30 June 2011 – Final judgment for Divorce is out. I am free legally.
I thought I will feel ‘free’ after almost a year’s battle. But I couldn’t sleep, many thoughts running in my mind.
How to arrange my sons meeting up with him, without fear? especially my younger one. Maybe they have no problem at all? I hope he can take this opportunity to show his care for the sons.
I don’t want my elder to go through the home-less feeling again. I want to give my 2 sons a happy home. This is my ultimate aim, for fighting all this while.
Do I have enough money to buy a flat for the 3 of us? Can I secure a fix income to maintain our new home? So my elder don’t feel the stress of struggling between school and works. Or he must learn to take such stress, for a better entrepreneur in future? After all, life comes in a package with good and bad things.
At the back of my mind, I do ask why is he wanted to work overseas after graduation in Sep? is this his silent protest of me abandoned him during the process? He just wants to get out of here? Or I am thinking too much due to my ‘guilty consciousness’ nature?
No matter what happen, I will be with my sons. I will support what they do with whatever I can afford, physically, spiritually and virtually where ever they are.
Sons, Let us work hard together! Trust your belief and don’t be afraid of failure. We learned from failure and turned it into priceless experience. Don’t be too calculative over tangible rewards. Experience is accumulated from lot of intangible opportunities.
Thank you my dearest sons. You are my treasure and mama is very proud of having you 2. This is something I have to thank your father for. Haha… I can’t have you without him.
# posted by simplyJalyn @ 9:50 PM 
